34 weeks

This is my first week off of work, and initially I thought I'd be bored but instead I have been so very busy getting things done.  I've washed all of Kie's clothes, towels, blankets and sheets.  I also got MOST of the things I think we will need...though, I still need a breast pump. Otherwise, most things are bought and in place.  I also already packed his bag for the hospital and my own. Just because I stress over everything!  I also have his car seat in the car (thanks to Justin) and have already taken out his stroller for a test drive.

I realize I probably won't be taking him out that much at first, so I just wanted to see how the stroller felt.  Overall, I liked it a lot.  It's a Babytrend jogger.  It's an all in-one and super easy to snap the car seat in and get it out. And I love the tires and the 3 wheel set up.  It seems like it will be a great stroller to have once I'm back out trying to lose baby fat!  Though, I did feel a little funny pushing an empty stroller.  I had it all closed up so people couldn't see "the baby."  

Anyway, today I went to see my OB.  I was relieved to go see him because last night I had some serious contractions.  I started crying last night because it was just so overwhelming.  Though I have been having a few contractions here and there, last night was a lot more tense and it hit me that I'm at the end of pregnancy.  Time flew by!

I still struggle with the thought of having a baby.  I'm not big on pain and I'm deathly afraid of hospitals. Just going into them makes me nauseated.  I sometimes wish I had a doula or a birthing coach...

Mainly because I'm so far from home and have no one else here besides Justin.  Though, I don't know if I'd want my mom or another family member around because it may just make me more anxious.   

I don't know.  I think that's another reason for my sleepless nights.

I'm so ready to meet my little active, kicking son!  I can't wait to see his face, see his eyes and lips.  It just seems surreal.  The whole experience. 

I ask Justin all the time "can you believe we're having a baby!?" Or "can you believe we're about to be parents?!" He's excited, but not in disbelief like I am.  

Speaking of Justin, he's in bed and sick.  He's like another man when sick.  Usually he toughs it out, but on occasion when he gets real bad he's another person.  It breaks my heart to see him feeling bad, since normally he's the strong one. I had to get out of bed because I couldn't sleep and I hate tossing and turning when I know he's feeling sick.  

What am I going to do when my little boy gets sick?  

See, it's things like that--that scares me!  How can I be strong enough to be a parent?  I'm still a child myself.  I still get sick, get tired, get scared. How can I be a good parent like my fearless parents?  I'm far from fearless! (Though, I did sky dive once.)

I never worry that I won't love my child with every ounce of my body and soul but, being a parent...  Being fearless, showing bravery...I don't know if that's in me just yet.   Perhaps God will give that to me later? 

I don't know.   

Oh yes, back to my doctor's appointment.  So, doctor checked my cervix and said there was no change.  Though, it scares me because he's so laid back at times.  I swear, anything I say or do is "all normal".  My doctor never seems too concerned.  Maybe that's what I need.  A laid back, calm, cool and collected doctor.  I wish I could borrow that attitude for the rest of my pregnancy and past the delivery point!  

I will go back to him next Thursday.  I'm hoping for no more contractions.  Braxton Hicks I can deal with.  But no more painful ones.  I need to keep Baby Kie in tow for at least a few more weeks.  Ideally till I make it to 37 weeks.  

Also this weekend is my cousin, Colt's wedding in Galveston.  I've RSVP'd that we'd be there.  Though everyone knows we're just a maybe.  Doctor did give me the green light to go, but I don't want to be stressing while there that something may happen.  Galveston is around a 3-4 drive.  Maybe that isn't too bad but I don't know how I feel of risking it.  Am I crazy or  just paranoid?

I know I'm just afraid because my trip back from Atlanta was one of the worse!  Granted, I did get stomach virus and was puking the last hour of the trip.  But really my body seemed to go into severe contraction mode.  Maybe it was just the starting of the cramps in my stomach from the flu.  All I know is that I've not wanted to get back in a car (for an extended time) until Baby Kie is here.

ANYWAY,  contractions just started again. (Nothing painful!) Thank you Lord.

I'm going to find something to watch or read until I get sleepy.

Until next time--Au Revoir!

-HK-

big mama

excuse me for chopping my head off ;)

Btw, last year this time I was enjoying Austin City Limits. So in honor of ACL (and the fact I won't be joining in on the fun) ---Let's do a small flash back from life back then!

getting ready for Pearl Jam

Wine and music w/Ally & Halley

pedi cabbing it to Zilker

sexy boyfriend (then!) and his best guy friends

wow crazy what a year does!