Momma writer's block

I've been itching to write today....A feeling I've not had in awhile.  Sure, I've had a few long, rambling posts in the past months on my life...scratch that, OUR life...but, truth be told--they were passion-less. Boring. Not the life, but the writing.

My posts were merely stating facts and events in such a bullet-point way that, I'm a bit ashamed. My life is NOT like bullet-points. Life is full of different ranges of feelings, beauty, lows, highs, dark, light, messy, serene, exciting moments that I cannot seem to capture in words...
So, my blog posts, especially as of late, lack all of that.

I have had a case of writer's block. So much so that my 'side-job' is nearly gone. I took a hiatus. And I've loved it. I do love to write and read. But, the time it steals from me...hasn't been worth it as of late.
Let me reiterate...I love to read :) writing is merely an escape, a place to focus my thoughts for a brief moment. Or, as this blog as unfolded--a time for me to store moments.

I have used my blog's Facebook here and there to capture small pictures of life...cute quotes from Kie and things I want to cherish, all perfectly 'summed up' in a status.  I want to cherish ALL those sweet times...record them all. The good, bad and messy....But, I can't.

Life lately has been good.
I know that is not explaining myself. But, it has been just that.
Nothing too seriously awful to tip the boat...
The only thing I would say that has been unstable is my ever-changing feelings of family planning.
One day I want 5 more kids, the next I feel I should simply be grateful for my healthy 2.
Then I realize, I'm trying to control things too much.
And that I have a BIG GOD for that.

I feel it's hard being a woman. PERIOD.
It sucks sometimes.

I also think, being a mom is the hardest.
Don't read this wrong like I'm saying being a STAY at home mom is hardest.

Being a mom in general is hard.
The emotions, the sentimental-ness of EVERYTHING...and I wont even dare touch the subject of being the 'picture' perfect mom that is blasted everywhere in social media.

no, no...not going there.

Being a mom, watching out children grow...trying our hardest to grasp everything they do and bottle it away. Holding these moments, because we know one day they'll just be a fleeting memory, if memory serves us well.

All the while we want to remember everything by writing it or capturing it on camera, we also try our best to not scar them yet protect them, be the best we can be for them--all the while, still failing at something.
It's a hard line of work.
Where the days may seem long, but somehow the time truly flies.
Flies so fast you wonder if tomorrow your once two-year old is now twenty-two and you can't sneak into their room's to kiss their chubby cheeks or to remove too many toys in their beds.

----

As for now, I sit outside...it's overcast and I can tell the weather is about to change. The air has that electric feel. It's humid with an undertone of cool air.

 Tonight, we have yet another cold front coming in. I love this weather. I love this time of year. I love it but hate it.
Justin leaves for NYC for work--and in the next week my baby turns one.
ONE.
And the end of that week....
my two-year old turns, twenty-tw....err, three ;)

While I love these festive times of fun holidays, the warm and layered clothes, the snugly weather, the warm soups, bonfires and time with family and friends----However, Fall also reminds me how fast time flies.
----

As for the present....

Kie is driving his electric 'Artic Cat' in our very green yard.
The rain has been non-stop for a week.
Everything is blooming. Our winter rye is already sprouting and the grass needs to be cut again.

Kix, my little baby, who is complete opposite of Kie (Kie is independent)---is playing in the covered/wall to wall-Kiddie trampoline.

He is standing, bouncing and playing with the assortment of toys and balls we leave in there for him.
He loves it because he has independence, is protected and has a 360 view of everything.

I really should have my camera with me.

I'm sitting in a lawn chair...looking a mess.
A comfy mess, in leggings, a workout skirt and a weird cut-up multi-colored 80's style sweatshirt.
It was so cute in the magazine, but on me it looks like a 50 cent find in Goodwill.
Truth is, I paid way too much for this thing....
but to validate my purchase, I wear it too much. You know, to get my 'monies worth'?
Really, I should just toss it in my donation box.

My writing will have to come to an end.
Kix is getting fussy.  His little motorboat noises and grunts are infused with little quips of whines here and there.

I think he realized he hasn't been held in the last 10 minutes.

And then there is Kie, who is getting listless and starting to poke me with fallen branches he is finding from all the storms...

Until next time,
hk