Friday, June 27, 2014

You called me out on the waters ---One step closer

First off, I want to say thank you to the many wonderful friends and family that have reached out to me the last few days after my post.  The calls, texts, FB messages, comments...all helped me so much. I felt the prayers. They kept me going.

I also want to say, if I made anyone worried or over concerned with my last post...please forgive me. I wasn't looking for pity or worry or to be dramatic. As a writer, I 'pen' how I feel. I was at a low when I wrote my last post...however, I finally feel and see the light at the end of this tunnel. (So I pray!)

Which leads me to here---I'm finally getting answers.

After what seems like many weeks of unexplained pain--it has lead my doctors to the gallbladder.
For such a small little organ, it sure can cause a lot of ache.

My ribs and right side have been in some sort of pain for awhile. A lot of burning, sharp stabs, constant dull pain...brought on even more if I eat. 

Yesterday I had a HIDA scan. The scan would tell me conclusively if it was my gallbladder. I was nervous about this test for numerous dumb reasons.

 1.) I had to drive to San Marcos to get the scan alone. 
Here we are in great big Austin and I had to go into San Marcos for it. The rest of the clinics were booked until end of next week. Well, I wasn't going to wait that long with this pain.

2.) The scan also has a time where the inject you with CCK so it can recreate the gallbladder pain. I read horror stories and since I was in pain going in...I wasn't exactly excited for more of it.

3.) I am a worrier.

4.) I don't like being told what to do. (Aka, lay here for two hours, very still while I inject some radioactive mess into you.)

But--It wasn't as of a big deal.

The drive to SM was easy and fast. The CCK isn't used as much so therefore I got to drink a very fat-laden ENSURE to mimic a fatty meal and it has less side effects obviously....

I still worried and I may of cried some laying there (but that's for another reasons, mentioned below).

And last but not least, the man running the scan was very nice. He was an old man who told me he grew up with George Strait and has sat at many a bar stool with him. (Btw, I was wearing my George Strait shirt that says 'Love is Everything'). 
So, it was kinda neat talking to him.

My results came back fast.
My gallbladder is functioning at 19%.
It is failing, aka dying and thus it needs to be out.

I spent the majority of yesterday finding surgeons and on the phone trying my best to set something up pronto.

Which brings me to this, I will be seeing a surgeon on Monday. And if I'm lucky I can have surgery the next day or the next.

Am I scared for surgery? Yes.
But, I am in bad pain and can't eat.

I know My Savior has His hand on me and I know I have so many loved one that are praying for me. I do have some peace about it.

Yesterday God revealed to me that I needed this test to expand my faith.
While I was doing the scan, I glanced over at the monitor. I saw my 'lit up' gallbladder from the radioactive dye and I knew that the dye needed to be filtered out of my GB. Going on two hours, it wasn't changing. It still glowed.

Well, then on my ipod came the song 'Ocean's' by Hillsong.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

The words convicted me so much. I began to cry. I cried because I knew my gallbladder was failing before the test was over--and that this was God giving me a test.

I blogged before about having little faith, well this was my faith tester.
He needed me to trust Him. To step out on the waters....because HE will be there.

So here I am.

God revealed that to me. And I couldn't help but to cry and cry for His unconditional and unwavering love He has always shown me.  I cried for His mercy that He gave so freely throughout my life. Here I've been scared and worried...but HE has me. HE SUSTAINS me! All these years, He has held me in His arms and He is still here. Why have I been so scared? So, now I say, praise Him!

Praise Him! And that's what I'm doing now. PRAISING HIM!

I am scared. But I have peace. HE is good ALL the time.
I may have a long road still, but my spirit is lifted.

I want to end this again, saying thank you for the prayers and all the love...goodness it means the world to me. Yall have helped me so much...and I will always be a prayer warrior for you too. Just let me know. Thanks again.

So much love,


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