Thursday, October 18, 2012

As we wait...

Ah, the waiting game.
I remember these days pretty vividly (nearly two years ago to the day).
Kie was due the 16th of November.
This baby, by my calculation is actually due on the 3rd of November (c-section is schedule a week beforehand.)
But my doctor believes we're due the 7th--so we're going by HIS schedule.
*But he wasn't there for the baby making, so I think I would know*

I'm in the first stages of labor.
Lots of contractions, coming every 10, 5 and 3 minutes.
The pain wrapping around by back and front.
Lasting an hour or two or more...
then they dissipate.

And since Kie came early--there's a high chance this lil man will too.
Which makes me nervous and anxious.
I'm excited yet apprehensive.
I worry more now about leaving Kie.
I have NEVER spent a night away from him (besides those nights while he was first born--away in the NICU)
AND since then, I vowed to never spend a night away.

I hardly function when he's down for the night.
I fight the urges to pick him up out of bed and rock him like I use to do.
I don't know how I will do being away from my first baby.
I know I have a minimal of 3 days in the hospital.
And, I know my sweet boy will be in good hands--with his grandmother.
Oh, and did I mention our hospital is ONE mile away? Like,  I can walk through my neighborhood to the hospital.
Yes, I'm truly blessed.
(Seriously, I loved being raised 'in the country'--but I am so blessed to be in Austin---)

I know my husband can easily come home--check in on Kie and bring him to me when he can. Or so can grandmother.
I also know if I need ANYTHING I can easily get Justin to run home and be back in 10 minutes.

It also is nice knowing if my labor starts to intensify, we're right here.
I can check in quickly.
It's strange, I never thought 'city-life' could bring comfort.
But, in this way--it really does.

Anywho, I get distracted.

Life these days have been calm and relaxed (as relaxed as timing contractions can be) with lots of down time on the sofa and bed.

My sweet boy (that nursed forever) doesn't cuddle like he use to.
I don't know if it's a boy thing...or a growing up thing.
He is a sweetheart and will give me tons of hugs and kisses...
but it's keeping him still, curled up in my arms is something I miss.

Well, today--and these last few days have been such a treat.
I have put away my phone and put away my work--and during nap times...instead of doing my usual catching up on editing, writing, or cleaning--
I get Kie into our big bed.
He lays there (as still as a nearly 2 year old can)---
and we sing.
We read books or he will read them to me.
Or, he talks and tells me stories.

If I dare open an eye to look at him,
he tells me to 'sleep momma, sleep.'
And he pats me on the head.
Like he knows I need to rest.
He lays right beside me, sometimes laying his head on my chest.
We're as close as possible.

His sweet baby smell is soooo good.
He still smells like a baby.
(He still wears baby lotion everyday.)
His dad massages him after every bath with his bedtime lotion.

And of course, the smell of a fresh diaper on his butt.
::We nap and sleep in diapers::
He still smells so sweet, so innocent and precious.
I take it all in.
And thank God for these moments.
These moments of just us.
These moments with my sweet lil boy.

I take his chubby, dimpled hand in mine...
Amazed how big they've already gotten.
I kiss his fat lil baby feet and count his lil toes----
and squeeze his lil chunkie thighs.

He still is a baby to me.
He still has his baby fat.
He still needs me to change him.
He still needs me to feed him and pick him up.
He still need me for now.

I savor these moments....
Thanking God where he brought me in the past two years.
All the changes He's made in my life.
All the future plans and changes He has for me.
For my family,
for us.

I'm amazed at where we've gone and been in these short few years.
Seriously, I could not of imagined a better life for me.
I never, ever knew what motherhood and marriage could be like.
I am blessed to Heaven and back.
(Don't mistake this as "my life is perfect" because it's far from that. But regardless of imperfections comes a lot of gratitude for my life.)
I wouldn't have these wonderful moments if it wasn't for God loving me.

I don't understand how He could possibly love me the way He does.
All I know is that everything wonderful and great I have in my life is because of Him.
So, these sweet fleeting moments...
I know who to be grateful to.

These moments of quietness.
These moments of love.
Of sweet toddler hugs and kisses,
These moments of kicks and nudges from my unborn son...
Those countless times my husband gets me giant cups of ice to chew,
all while cleaning up the kitchen and the house without uttering one negative word.

Yes, I'm blessed.
And for every moment I have now...
and for the future ones to be made,
I'll always be grateful.

Patiently waiting,


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