Saturday, October 13, 2012

stick a fork in me, I'm done...

Here I go.
I'm going to be brutally honest. And some may not like it but, this is my lil spot where I can say what I feel.

This pregnancy....
I'm over it.

I know there's TONS of people who love pregnancy and everything it involves. And for the most part..I've had those moments too.

With Kie, I was sick and deathly ill for the first 20-22 weeks. 
Pregnancy kicked my butt for awhile.
But once I got bigger, things got easier.
I loved pregnancy.
I wore my tight shirts and maternity shorts, cute short dresses--and I never felt prettier.
I loved my massive, expanding belly.

Justin and I would go to dinners, out on dates...
I would shop every weekend--hey, we even went out to numerous concerts and bars--staying out late at night. (I avoided smokers.) 
And I even managed to throw parties and threw Justin a big birthday party a few days before I went into labor.

Overall, pregnancy- SANS toddler was a piece of cake.

Fast forward two years.
I did start this pregnancy 20 lbs heavier...
and though I did 'workout' the first few months--it eventually stopped.
Well, we were living through a massive renovation.
We didn't have a kitchen for a good 6-7 weeks...
We had a lot of stress....and the workouts stopped.
Plus, I had to drag Kie to gym with me.
There would be countless weeks he would catch some bug or virus,
--or I was getting behind on things--so my workouts took a back seat.

We also would have to leave our house everyday to avoid all the smoke and dust.
I literally packed us up---and left for hours on end to get out. (Getting a toddler to nap somewhere NEW everyday is pretty hard.) It also meant having a pack n' play set up--or if I dared to bring him home to nap then there's a good chance he would be woken up by saws or nail guns going off.

Did I mention the smoke? Oh yea, the construction men SMOKED in my house.
And they sang--and they cursed. LOUDLY!

So some days I'd stay at a friends, some days I'd stay at Carter's...
I basically wore my welcome out every where I went. 
It got very tiring.

SO by the time we 'moved back in' to our home---all I wanted to do was nest.
I was tired of being on the go.
I didn't want to pack up another bag to leave my house...I wanted to sit finally!
Besides, I had tons to clean, organize and situate. 
I still had work to do...
and I was behind in everything.

I also have a toddler that has more energy than a Texas Tornado...
and he wears me out.
He also wears his father out.
Heck, he wears out most people.
But that's little boys...and I love him.

This time I'm tired.
Way tired.

Last pregnancy, if I couldn't sleep at night (and there are a lot of those) I would simply take a nap after I got off work the next day.
Or, if I didn't work--I'd sleep in.
I only had me and my husband to take care of.
(and I also nannied and worked, but still my 'job' was over at 5pm most days).

All I had to do was keep the house cleaned, have a dinner cooked at night--and take care of myself.


(Moms-to-be, enjoy your long relaxing showers and baths now--because they'll come to an end.  Also, enjoy sitting on the toilet alone. Sit there awhile. Soak it in. Because before long, you'll never pee or poo alone.) 

With this pregnancy,
If I don't sleep--I still have to get up...because toddlers don't understand insomnia.
So, here I am chasing a wild lil man.
There are days when all I want to do is lay there.
Some times I DO.
And I feel awful.
I ask Kie to play with me on the floor or climb into my lap.
However, he usually wins out and I go and do what he asks.
::Hard to say no when he says please so nicely::

Now my bones crack and crunch under my weight (this last month)---and my energy levels are depleted.
But, there's work to do and a household to maintain.
So in order to keep my house clean or keep up on work-- I have to wait until Kie is down--or during nap time (and nap time is slowly disappearing). 

I also miss the days of throwing a stroller into my car and heading to the lake for a run with Kie.
I miss being able to pull Kie on his wagon through the neighborhood (I still could but I'd die after the first block.)
I miss taking Kie in his stroller to the grocery store.
It got us both out--and we spent the day on the go-
making sure I could wear him out so I could fit a little work into the day.

I miss my energy levels.
I miss how I could jump out of bed (now I slow roll like a beached, sweaty walrus--do walruses sweat?)
to run to Kie's room when I hear him waking.

Though I still pick up Kie, it's gotten harder.
He's 30+lbs and my body is already carrying an extra 40.
I quickly wear out.

Why yes, I'm one of those women that gets lucky putting on the weight.
In fact, I truly believe if I worked out the entire pregnancy I'd STILL be 40 up.
Even when I was working out pregnant I would gain.
I just GAIN and gain and hopefully post pregnancy, I'll lose.
(It's going to take a lot of determination and butt kicking.)

Basically, I'm done being this big.
I'm physically TIRED of being this big.

I'm sure it wouldn't be so bothersome if I didn't have a toddler that I miss playing with--
Sure, I can sit on the ground and play.
I can cuddle with him and pick him up.
But, I feel like a fraction of the mom I should be right now.

Don't think I'm WISHING I wasn't pregnant.
Because God knows how much I love this unborn lil boy.
I love him SO much.
And I want him to be healthy in EVERY WAY.
Nor, do I want to go into labor early.

I'm just ready to be a great mom again.
A mom full of energy so I can devote my time and FULL energy into both my boys.

I also realize I will be healing awhile--and I'll also be splitting my energy and attention between two
So, in some ways I won't be the mom I was before--

Regardless, I'm ready to have my energy.
To be able to move freely.
To not crunch with every movement (my pelvic bones and hips pop constantly)
I'm ready to run around with Kie--
I'm ready to be able to hold and carry both my boys.

Pregnancy, these last few weeks has been hard.
Maybe it's the countless stomach viruses I've been lucky to get.
Or, the week of flu that took my energy out and hurt every muscle in my body.
Maybe it's because I stopped working out...
I don't know.
Don't think I've spent this pregnancy eating ice cream and sitting. (Though that doesn't sound bad.)
I am always on the go,
it's just a slower version now.
In fact, I ate better this pregnancy than before.
I just am slowing down..
and tired.
And perhaps it's Gods way of making me slow down--because normally I wouldn't.

This time I'm just spent.

*Ps, I'm NOT always feeling tired and worn out.
There are PLENTY of days and weeks I feel great.
Weather affects me a lot.
Cooler weather has me feeling like a new woman.
(Hello, Texas weather--stay cool for a mama!)
Kie also gives me energy (and takes it away) if that makes sense.

I also am very grateful to BE pregnant and expecting my second baby boy.
I just wish I could be super mom (some of you may be--God bless!) but I am not able to keep up with Kie as much as I'd like the closer I get to my due date.

(Btw, moms to multiples or pregnant when you have multiple toddlers or little the heck do you manage? Seriously?!?!) 

Just keepin' it real here folks.

And on the flip side,
babies are freaking amazing.
They're worth being the size of a MACK truck. (I'm getting close.)
Babies are worth the hormones going crazy--and the night sweats and the no sleeping.
Babies are worth all my bones crunching and my hips popping like I'm about to break in two.
Being a mom is THE BIGGEST and best joy you'll ever experience--even if you happen to pee on yourself when you laugh now.

And, like anything great in life--if there's no hard journey (or challenge)--then it's probably not worth it.

And yes, I'll take being huge, hot and roley-poley to get another sweet baby any day!

now to enjoy some SNL before I toss and turn in bed all night ;)



  1. Totally understandable!!! Everyone has those bad days and good ones..You've probably read my awful post about my pregnancy a few weeks ago.. I had the absolute WORST stomach issues..I felt like I was going to die every day, and it was HORRIBLE. Pregnancy and it's hormones can take a huge toll on you! I've found that it's totally "normal" ;)! Not too much longer and you will have your other little man in your arms..and you will forget about all the bad stuff. (or most of it-ha!) And you will loose your baby weight from nursing and chasing after two little boys ;)! You looked beautiful the last time I saw you, and every picture I've seen you look gorgeous! Keep your head up mama! Not much longer! love you!

    1. LOVE YOU Holli Ann! <3 Girl, pregnany at the start is rough too---
      babies do not understand why moms are laying it out on the bed or needing to lay on the bathroom floor.

      And thank you for the compliments! I'm just ready to be active for Kie again. Instead of waddling everywhere slowly. haha!

      Btw, send me Princess B so I can have a lil girl in my life.
      I'm out numbered here! :)

  2. I totally understand... not the having a toddler part, but I understand the tiredness and insomnia. I was due last Thursday... Still waiting.

    1. Melissa! I saw that you're going private on your blog! Please don't do that! I can't wait to hear about your delivery! It will be great!

      I can't imagine going after my due date.
      My advice...
      make some sweet love to the hubs and eat some extra spicy chili!
      And if you're still not there---wash your baseboards! lol
      good luck momma, been thinking of you!


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