Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I need to write before my head explodes..

Dear God help me.

Wow, I need to write.
I have to update on Christmas sometime soon, but before I do I need to let off some steam.

What is it when Christmas is over that makes me automatically go into a funk?
Removing the decorations, the lights...
Leaving family...returning to work.
All things sobering.

These last few days I've felt like screaming,
and I have.
I've screamed a lot.
Mainly just screams of frustration.

The poopy diapers that come every 20 minutes from Kie...
The need for him to PLAY in his poop!
(Seriously, I can't change his diaper without him grabbing his dirty one and going to town!)

The SUPER messy house.
The laundry that refuses to fold itself.
The pile of clothes that adorn each corner of a room.
The suitcases that are still unpacked.
The boxes and BOXES of Christmas that I can't seem to finish and put away.

My loyal, paint-spotted, holey sweat pants that are the only item of clothing I can still wear.
Thanks Holiday Pounds and Bloat!
My long, stringy hair that still falls out regardless I gave birth to a baby over 13 months ago.

My allergies that remind me of the ever changing Texas weather.
The headaches that accompany them.
The deadlines I've missed for work.
The play dates I've canceled due to work.

The spoons and stuffed animals that been tossed into the toilet (thank Kie baby)...
The bills that never cease.
My acne that appears because I apparently will never leave my teenage years behind.

The exercise and "me" time I skip at 5am because I vow to wake up and work instead--
Because after all, work is more important than exercise or me time.

The work I don't finish because I need to organize first.

The adorable toddler that walks everywhere in the house--opening every drawer and door he can reach, pulling out everything and anything.

The same, precious baby that tugs and cries at my legs nonstop to let me know he wants to be "up!"
The same lil man, shaking every table, standing lamp and chair till it falls over and crashes.



A very, hard working husband--who stays late in Bible study week after week to help his brothers in Christ--but maybe doesn't realize his wife needs a hand or two at home.


I realize I only have one baby.
And my complaint isn't about him.
Nor my husband.

It's about me.
I need to get it together.

I am SO ready for 2012.
Because this is the time that will be the best for my family.

I am in need of a Jesus makeover.
I have been so very blessed this past year, and I just need to get it together for God--and for my family.

These last few days after Christmas has had me in a funk for whatever reason.
And I am kind of glad for it.

It's made me realize a lot.
Normally, life isn't so frustrating or stressing.
But the cries from my toddler and the impatience I've felt...
has me realizing I need Christ's peace more than ever.

I need some time to spend with Jesus.
I need to pursue His will.
To pursue His word.

I realize I don't need a New Year--to seek after Him...
but the timing of this New Year couldn't be better.

I have big plans for 2012.
(God willing!)
I want to carve out time-EVERYDAY for Jesus.
Everyday I want my nose in the Bible.
Everyday I want to start it in prayer.

I do pray throughout the day as it is.
Little prayers asking for guidance.
But I realize I need to start the day with Him.
I need to end the day, thanking Him.

I've been on edge lately.
And I think God has been trying to show me that living life without giving it ALL to Him can make
for any day to be a trying time.

I need to be checked.
I need to pray for patience.
And pray to be a better wife.
A better mother.
A better friend.
To be a better follower of Christ.
To give--and to never expect to get.

I need to find my peace with Christ--
and to live in Him daily.
Every day.

Ahh, I feel so much better now.

Dear God,

Thank You for Your mercy.
For Your love.
I don't deserve ANY of it Lord.
Please forgive me when I fail You.
When I lose my cool.
When I curse under my breath (or not) about the things that frustrate me.
Help me to have patience Lord.
Help me to me more even keel like my husband.
Help me to love like You.
To see the good in everyone.
To love everyone.
I pray for those who don't like me,
or hate me.
That maybe my heart will change about them.
For those that have hurt me,
I pray that I won't have any bitterness.
Lord, help me to realize I can't be mad or angry because they are just like me.
We all sin.
We all mess up.
Help me Lord to be a better mother.
Lord, I pray for my husband.
Take his burden.
He works so hard for our family.
Help me be a joy to him.
I want to be the wife You intended me to be.

Dear God, thank you for my family. My beautiful friends.
My healthy, happy son.
My hard working, patient husband.
Help me to show everyone Your love.

And every blessing I get, I give You the glory.
In Your Son's name.

Amazing how much better it feels to give it to God.

I am not trying to be showy about my relationship or prayers to God.
I just want to share that some days, some days are hard.
Even when you don't have a particular reason for it to be hard.
Some days, even if you're a don't always seem like a Christian.

These last few days have been testing me.
And I've failed.
I cannot tell you how many times I've apologized to Kie for being impatient.
Or feeling frustrated.

And I'm glad God has humbled me.
I needed it.

I'm ready for a fresh start.
To start a NEW day.
And, no..
I don't have to wait till 2012 to do so.

Thank you Jesus for that!


  1. wow mama. great post. not because of the frustrations that you feel and the struggles that you are going through, but the way you were able to write it down and put it into words. i have a feeling 2012 will be a GREAT year for you.

  2. Oh girl, I am in a major funk too! I don't know what it is about the holiday's but it's not fun! I am so with you on getting my life together with God. I am desperate need of a better relationship with Him!

  3. Thanks Becky! It will be a great year for us all! Thanks for the love! I am heading over your way to catch up on yall's Christmas!!

    @Alyssa--Girl, it's the holiday blues! Just gotta work through them! And lots and lots of prayer!! Thinking of you lil lady!

  4. I'm not religous but your words really hit home and i'm being terribly honest. I am the man of the house and I am active duty military. I only had 14 days off to be there for my 1st son's birth and every one of those vacation days was absolutely NOT a vacation. I worked all year without a single vacation day and the 15 days i saved up were spent working 24 hour shifts with my wife and our new son. Now I am back at work and feeling relief at being able to sit in a chair typing and working for 8 hours instead of getting up and feeding and changing daipers and cleaning and not being able to eat or do anything else i need to do among the other things you've mentioned that come with parenthood.

    You are absolutely right about giving it all to god, I wish I was as giving as you are and I wish I can be a better man. I want to be able to let go of all this anger and frustration and feelings of not being able to do anything i want to do. I want to give myself to my wife and son and be the father I am suppose to be and not feel regret and frustration and hate for the situation i put myself in. I take responsability for everything and it just seems so much easier to put it on god. What should I do?

  5. Adolfo-

    Hi! Thanks for writing. Just admitting you want to strive to be a better man, husband and father is a step in a great direction. Also--thanks for serving in our military! You have a hard enough job as is!! So thank you for protecting and serving this amazing country!

    Also- I'm not a professional--so my words are merely just from my own heart. It's not about being religious, so to say, but finding a real relationship with God. I'm a Christian, which means I believe in Jesus Christ--and that He is my savior. Luckily, He came to do the hardest job yet, and that was to die for our sins. Because, as humans we all sin an fall short of any glory from God.

    With that being said, if you're interested in finding a relationship with God I can definitely email you some information to lead you into a direction of finding answers. I would not be able to survive the daily ins and outs of life if I didn't have a God I could rely on. And talk to.

    Otherwise, being a Christian or not, we all get frustrated. If we realize we are getting frustrated or losing patience, it's about stepping away before we hurt others or ourselves.

    Sometimes it takes days or weeks to get into the right head space. Now that you're back at work--you may be happy you're no longer at the beck and call of your wife and child.

    But I bet you realize how hard your wife has it when she's alone! Definitely let her know how proud you are of her. And all the hard work she does as a mother.

    Just admitting that to her--weekly (better yet, daily) will show her you care and you APPRECIATE her. It return, it will help her appreciate and respect you more too as a father that goes out to work everyday for his family.

    Being a parent is the hardest, yet most rewarding job yet. And it seems like you're doing a great job. Give yourself credit too!

    My advice, wake up everyday grateful. Thank God for his blessings in your life. You've got a job, a wife and a beautiful son.
    If you focus on the good in life--and the positive--it's hard to not get as frustrated.

    feel free to email me!

    Thanks for stopping by and I wish you all the best!



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